Arguments are sometimes unavoidable. In the heat of the moment we often say things we regret for years to come. Learning these 3 simple techniques, you will be able to turn any argument around and turn it into a productive conversation.
As we build wealth and work towards our financial independence, we surround ourselves with people we love and care about. Often, those are the people with whom we end up having the most heated arguments.
We all remember the time we have said something to our counterpart during an argument which hurt them deeply. As passes, we forget the reason for the argument, but the pain remains and strains the relationship.
In order to avoid letting argument get out of hand, or fix one that has gone terribly wrong, you need to master the 3 skills we have learned from Matthew Hussey.
Diffuse the situation quickly. Many of us love to stew in our issues, replaying the situation in our head over and over again. This leads to the issue growing out of proportion, so when it finally emerges in an argument, it causes a large outburst of emotions. Instead, when something bothers you, we suggest you address it immediately, without waiting for the perfect moment. Although, depending on which personality type you are dealing with, you may want to ensure you are in an appropriate setting for this type of conversation.
Don’t pile on. This often happens as a result of waiting to address the issue. In order to add validity to our feelings, we pile on all possible arguments on top of the main issue. “Remember that one time you didn’t invite me to dinner, and last Christmas you looked at my husband in a funny way, and three years ago you forgot to feed my dog”… Instead, deal with the real pressing issue and explore it fully before bringing up any unnecessary evidence.
Don’t go into cut mode. What is the nastiest mistake when having an argument? Going into cut mode, where we seek blood and, often, revenge for the way we were hurt. We also hurt others in order to be reassured of their feelings for us. If we are able to hurt them, it means they care about us and our words matter. As a result, we say things that are hard to reverse and end up chipping away at our relationships, eventually breaking them down completely.
As a summary, address what is eating away at you quickly, without delay. When entering an argument about a certain issue, avoid bringing up additional ammunition. And lastly, don’t go into cut mode – remember, the person you are arguing with cares about you and you care about them. Don’t hurt them for the sake of reinsuring your own position.
Building Your Leadership Skills Checklist will guide you through additional ways of improving your interpersonal skills and help you differentiate between different types of personalities and best practices of interacting with them.