80/20 rule of planning your wedding

Getting married and planning a wedding is an exciting time in every couples' life. Unfortunately many couples get carried away under pressure of family, traditions, trends. Here we will teach you to realign your focus and concentrate on planning your marriage instead.

After a couple makes the decision to get married follows an exciting time - planning of the wedding. There are so many details to consider, risks to plan for...

Before long, family and friends become involved in the planning process and the couple gets carried away under pressure of trying to impress, compare, please and avoid offending someone.

Mixed up in the planning, couples often forget that the wedding is simply the beginning of (hopefully) long and successful marriage. They spend 80% of their time preparing for the wedding and (at best) only 20% actually planning their life together after the wedding.

We recommend flipping this equation and dedicating 80% of the time to those serious marriage-related topics we need to discuss with our partners before the wedding day.

A great first conversation would be the commitment to a strong and happy marriage, which should not begin with an unnecessary expense on a lavish large and excessive wedding day. Vow to have a simpler exchange of vows.

The next step would be to discuss together, whether both of you want to get married? In considering this question, you need to define as a couple, and as individuals, what marriage means to you. Take the time to list out ways you believe your lives and your relationship will change after getting married. What do the terms husbandwife and partner mean to you?

Come together with your lists, discuss the entries, and create a new list which will become your joint “couple” definition of marriage. Write this down and keep it as a working definition which you can revisit over time.

To learn about other steps and techniques which will make your future marriage a true success, follow our Discussions: Wellness in a Marriage Checklist.